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Ellsworth’s Cinema of Swords: The Barbarian Boom, Part 4

Ellsworth’s Cinema of Swords: The Barbarian Boom, Part 4

The Warrior and the Sorceress (Argentina/USA, 1984)

Barbarians don’t get no respect. The fantasy films released in the wake of the unexpected worldwide success of Star Wars (1977) were all over the map, varying widely in approach and quality, but the barbarian lookalikes that followed the first Conan movie (1982) stuck to a formula, in quality plunging straight to the bottom of the barrel and mostly staying there as the barrel bumped along the cheapie exploitation circuit for the next five years or so. It’s as if filmmakers saw the sword-and-sorcery genre as suitable only for low-prestige flicks aimed at an unsophisticated market, a sad situation that wouldn’t really turn around until The Fellowship of the Ring (2001).

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Ellsworth’s Cinema of Swords: Postwar in the Greenwood

Ellsworth’s Cinema of Swords: Postwar in the Greenwood

The Bandit of Sherwood Forest (USA, 1946)

In the middle of the last century, you couldn’t say “Robin Hood” without evoking the image of Errol Flynn in 1938’s classic The Adventures of Robin Hood — every movie and TV show in the next thirty years about the bandit of Sherwood Forest was made in its long, green shadow. The Robin Hood story depicted in the Flynn film became the de facto standard version of the legend, cinematic comfort food, with subsequent screen incarnations not straying far from its characters and situation. Still, there were good times to be had in that long, green shadow, and tales of Robin and his Merrie Men owned Saturday afternoons for the sleepy Fifties and well afterwards.

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Goth Chick News: Horror, Humor and Porn – What More Could We Ask…?

Goth Chick News: Horror, Humor and Porn – What More Could We Ask…?

It’s as if Hollywood, or at least director Ti West, finally granted Black Gate photog Chris Z’s greatest wish.

Though his suggestions for movies I need to review have never it past the Big Cheese John O (“We do NOT work blue at Black Gate”), Chris Z takes enormous pleasure in creating fake email accounts and sending in suggestions like, “Please have Goth Chick review Zombeavers!” or “I’d love to read Goth Chick’s take on Zombies vs. Strippers!” Never mind that even if I had an inclination to accommodate Chris Z’s suggestions with more than an eyeroll, getting my hands on these movies requires using my credit card number in places it definitely shouldn’t be left on its own.

So, color me shocked when I learned about the movie X and the fact I could actually pull up into my local AMC Theater and see it, which I fully intend to do ASAP.

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Ellsworth’s Cinema of Swords: Piracy – Two Wrecks and a Prize Ship

Ellsworth’s Cinema of Swords: Piracy – Two Wrecks and a Prize Ship

Yellowbeard (UK, 1983)

By the Eighties the once-thriving genre of pirate movies had been condemned and hung from the yardarm, and based upon the crimes against cinema of this week’s first two films, it’s easy to see why. The terrible Cutthroat Island would follow in 1995 to put the final nail in the genre’s coffin until it lurched from the grave for a surprise resurrection in 2003’s Pirates of the Caribbean.

But don’t lament too loudly, for if there’s one piratical scallywag not even ill-conceived and overblown cinematic hubris can catch and hang at Executioner’s Dock, it’s that unrepentant scoundrel Long John Silver. An’ ye can lay to that, matey!

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Ellsworth’s Cinema of Swords: Boy-Toys of Troy

Ellsworth’s Cinema of Swords: Boy-Toys of Troy

The Trojan Horse (USA, 1956)

Our major source for stories of the legendary Trojan War is Homer’s The Iliad (8th century BCE, more or less), which includes a huge cast of characters from both the besieging Greeks and the defenders of Troy, as well as the many Olympian gods who meddle in the mortals’ affairs. For focus, a screenwriter telling a story based on this epic needs to pick a few major characters to follow and relegate the rest to supporting roles. In films made in the middle of the 20th century, that usually meant leaving the gods out entirely, because including them would have meant your film was considered a fantasy (the horror!), and the Western movie-going audience was deemed too Christian to regard Classical polytheism as anything but benighted superstition.

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Ellsworth’s Cinema of Swords: Timey-Wimey Swordy-Boardy

Ellsworth’s Cinema of Swords: Timey-Wimey Swordy-Boardy

Highlander (UK, 1986)

Nowadays, so-called “Timeslip” stories are so popular it’s considered a genre unto itself, but in the Eighties that was not yet the case, particularly on the screen. However, inadvertent time travel is an appealing notion, with literary roots going at least as far back as Twain’ s A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur’s Court, giving the author the opportunity of juxtaposing past and present for the purpose of making a point or two about perceived failings of the modern era. Social criticism aside, it’s also a useful plot device for kicking off thrilling adventures, as this week’s timey-wimey trio demonstrates.

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A Masterpiece of Old School Horror: The Cursed

A Masterpiece of Old School Horror: The Cursed

My son Tim and I went to the movies yesterday, as we do most Saturday nights. I wanted to see Tom Holland’s Uncharted, but the crowds were a little daunting, so instead we opted for a low-budget horror film that neither of us knew anything about: The Cursed. We settled into a virtually empty theater with a bucket of popcorn and no expectations.

Turned out to be a splendid choice. I doubt The Cursed will get much attention, as it was released with a virtually non-existent marketing budget — and I don’t expect a larger one would have done much good anyway, as it’s a claustrophobic little tale with few of the things modern horror fans seem to care about.

But those who love classic horror? Ah, that’s a completely different story. The Cursed is positively packed with all the delicious ingredients of top-notch vintage horror: a terrifying monster, a torch-wielding mob, a gypsy curse, a village with ghastly secrets, mist-covered countryside, a (very) creepy scarecrow, a monster-hunter with a tortured past, sinister clergy, wide-eyed children who stumble on things they shouldn’t, and a whole lot more.

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Ellsworth’s Cinema of Swords: Goofballs in Harem Pants, Part 2

Ellsworth’s Cinema of Swords: Goofballs in Harem Pants, Part 2

Son of Ali Baba (Universal, 1952)

Including Arabian Adventure (1979) in last week’s article reminded me that there was a slew of films from Hollywood’s postwar spate of Arabian Nights-inspired B-movies that we hadn’t covered here yet. There were a lot of these, quickies shot in about a week apiece, mostly on the same Hollywood backlot. Though tedium reigns over most of the running time of these faux-desert adventures, there are nuggets of good fun scattered among the dunes. If only somebody would compile a half-hour supercut of the best bits from the films that follow, they’d be doing the 21st century a favor. Any takers?

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Goth Chick News: The Dead Travel Fast in Branko Tomovic’s Vampir

Goth Chick News: The Dead Travel Fast in Branko Tomovic’s Vampir

Color me old fashioned, but there is something intriguing about a vampire story which comes straight from the region around the Carpathian Mountains. Granted, Serbia isn’t the original Transylvania. But due to the many regional conflicts dating back to the Middle Ages and their eventual land-locked status, Serbia shares quite a lot of folklore and traditions with its neighbors Hungary, Bulgaria, Macedonia, Croatia, and of course Romania.

Maybe because unlike Seattle, Serbia looks like a place where vampires would hang out; or maybe it’s the accent. But when I had the pleasure of visiting Hungary and Croatia, it seemed supremely likely that every local cemetery had a resident undead. It’s therefore no surprise that a new independent film from Serbia did so well at the Sitges International Film Festival, followed by Trieste Science+Fiction, and Raindance that it got snagged by Alarm Pictures for distribution in the US and UK.

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Ellsworth’s Cinema of Swords: Fables and Fairy Tales

Ellsworth’s Cinema of Swords: Fables and Fairy Tales

Legend (Universal, 1985)

The fantasy film boom of the Eighties mostly drew upon pulp sword and sorcery tales, but some harked back farther to earlier traditions of myth, fables, and fairy tales, often because the filmmakers had a more vividly enchanted look in mind. Whether hit or miss, these movies and their typically rich visuals provided a welcome diversion from the then-prevailing norm of mounted barbarians thundering across windswept steppes.

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