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Tubi Dive, Part I

Tubi Dive, Part I

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How to Make a Monster ( American International Pictures, July 1, 1958)

50 films that I dug up on Tubi.

Enjoy!

How to Make a Monster – 1958, AIP

As a slight deviation from our usual programming of themed lists, here are the results of a deep dive I recently undertook, pushing Tubi to the limits. So here we are with How to make a Monster, a follow-up of sorts to the two spectacular schlock movies, I Was a Teenage Frankenstein and I Was a Teenage Werewolf, both released a year earlier in 1957 from American International Pictures. Monster double-billed with Teenage Caveman (which I previously reviewed when I was on my cave people kick), and is probably my favorite of the film series.

It isn’t your usual narrative, but rather a meta-tale of the studio itself, and I LOVE movies about making movies. In this one, Pete Dumond, the ‘Jack Pierce’ of his day, is the makeup wizard who designed and applied the prosthetics for the two previous films. When he discovers that the studio has been taken over by a company that isn’t interested in monster films, and is subsequently fired, Pete goes on a murderous rampage, only he doesn’t do the killing himself. Instead he brainwashes the young actors playing the monsters via a strange foundation cream (bear with me here) and coerces them to killing the new studio stooges while in full makeup.

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What Possessed You? — Part III

What Possessed You? — Part III

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Prey for the Devil (Lionsgate, October 28, 2022)

Prey for the Devil (2022) – Crave (Max)

Remember how The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy‘s entire description of Earth is ‘mostly harmless’? Well, that’s how I’d describe this one. The director, Daniel Stamm, pumped new life into the genre with The Last Exorcism in 2010, but because this film is aiming for that tasty 13+ rating, most of its teeth have been removed.

That said, I liked the idea of the male-dominated world of the church being upended by a nun who has a gift for connecting with possessed patients, and the whole conceit of modern possession running so rampant that the Vatican has set up exorcism training centers is rather fun. Sister Ann is the ‘chosen nun’, stoically played by Jaqueline Byers, and the rest of the cast is great, with Colin Salmon and Ben Cross adding some gravitas to the whole shebang. Sister Ann has quite a few demons of her own to deal with, and it isn’t long before we realize that everything going on in the film is directly for her. There are no surprises here.

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What Possessed You? — Part II

What Possessed You? — Part II

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The Vatican Tapes (Lionsgate, July 24, 2015)

The Vatican Tapes (2015) – Prime

Imagine my excitement when I read that Mark Nelvedine (The Crank movies, Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance, Gamer) had made an exorcism flick. This was bound to be bonkers!

Oh, foolish lamb that I am.

This limp rag of a horror film had all the bite of a blob fish, and half the appeal. In order to hit that sweet PG-13 demographic, the film has been neutered to such an extent that it was virtually blood-free. Any onscreen nastiness takes place with the victim’s back to the camera, and none of it is helped by illogical editing choices.

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Goth Chick News: The Night We Podded Out

Goth Chick News: The Night We Podded Out

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They Mostly Pod Out at Night, Mostly, hosted by Graveyard and Salem

One of the best parts of my Black Gate side hustle is the cool people we get to meet, and there’s nothing more exciting than connecting with those who are most definitely “our people.” I am embarrassed to admit that the Fall Days of the Dead show in Chicago last November was my first encounter with the geniuses behind the podcast They Mostly Pod Out at Night, Mostly, who go by the monikers Graveyard and Salem. And after all, who doesn’t love an Aliens reference?

​They Mostly Pod Out at Night, Mostly is a weekly podcast dedicated to all things horror. Each episode features in-depth discussions, covering a range of topics from classic and contemporary horror films to broader themes within the genre. The hosts provide insightful analysis, engaging reviews, and lively conversations that appeal to both casual viewers and die-hard horror enthusiasts. Their passion for horror is on full display as they explore the intricacies of various movies, offering listeners a comprehensive understanding of the genre’s evolution and impact.

Since meeting them in November I’ve become a regular listener, discovering yet another dark and intriguing corner of the horror subculture, and last night I had the honor of being a guest.

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You Are Cordially Invited to a Dinner Party in Hell: The Exterminating Angel

You Are Cordially Invited to a Dinner Party in Hell: The Exterminating Angel

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Social interaction is a minefield, isn’t it? Whether it’s gathering with the family for the holidays, relating to people at the workplace, or making small talk with the checker at the supermarket, any encounter with other people, no matter how casual or seemingly benign, is fraught with uncertainty and even, sometimes, menace. That may be why such interactions have so often been depicted as a form of combat. (It may also be why the trend towards “contactless” social transactions that reached warp speed with the advent of COVID isn’t going anywhere, but just continues to gain ground even as the Coronavirus era recedes.)

Of all the opportunities for social victory and defeat, triumph and humiliation, the party may be the most hazardous, but no party has ever been such an ordeal as the one endured by the hapless dinner guests in Luis Buñuel’s merciless 1962 nightmare, The Exterminating Angel (in its original Spanish, El ángel exterminador).

Filmed in Mexico and set in a “wealthy district” in an unnamed country (Roger Ebert declares that it’s Spain and that the movie is an attack on the regime of Francisco Franco, but I know of no statement by Buñuel that places the film so specifically or that defines its meaning so narrowly), The Exterminating Angel is the blackest of black comedies; I have no doubt that it would have made the chap who invented the rack and thumbscrews giggle uncontrollably.

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What Possessed You? — Part I

What Possessed You? — Part I

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The Black Waters of Echo’s Pond (Parallel Media, April 9, 2010)
and The Conjuring (New Line Cinema, July 15, 2013)

20 new watches, all featuring my least favorite horror genre, possession and exorcism flicks. The power of Christ compels you to follow along.

The Black Waters of Echo’s Pond (2010) – Tubi

So, here we are, at the beginning of a slew of 20 possession/exorcism flicks. This is seriously my least favorite horror genre — I find them all a bit samey, and lacking in humor, but we’re here now, and I’ll try to slip some little known films in between the bigger budget affairs.

Black Waters is a good place to start — it’s not offensively terrible, but it’s also not great, so it’s a fitting bar. In 1924, some black and white archeologists unearth a hidden shrine to the ‘Pans’, those goaty flute tooters who love a party. They also find instructions to build a device to summon said Pans. Before you know it, they’ve killed each other on an island off Maine.

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Fan of the Cave Bear

Fan of the Cave Bear

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Master of the World (Falco Film, 1983)

As usual, 20 films, all free to stream, and I’ve never seen them before. Can I really find 20 cave person films I can sit through?

EDIT: No. I’ve expanded the list to include any and all primitive cultures as there are not enough prehistoric flicks to watch.

EDIT: I’m capping this list at 10 – I can’t stomach any more f**king Italian cannibal flicks.

Master of the World (1983) Tubi

Against my better judgement, I’m starting a new list. The usual rules apply — 20 films, free to stream, based on a theme. This time, cave folk!

We kick off with this Italian offering from the early 80’s, obviously inspired by Quest for Fire and, um, possibly Caveman. It’s the old story of forbidden love, rival clans beating each other up and eating the brains of the vanquished, plus the invention of the bolas. It’s the Romeo and Juliet adaptation you never knew you needed.

The whole shebang is peppered with grainy stock footage of out-of-place animals and clouds, and there’s a man in a bear suit intercut with a real, heavily drugged bear, who beats the crap out of everyone. Actually, this semi-fake bear was a highlight.

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Eleven Years of Monday Mornings with Bob

Eleven Years of Monday Mornings with Bob

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Wow. Eleven years ago today, on March 10, 2014, I became an official Black Gate blogger. The Public Life of Sherlock Holmes kicked off a three year run, bringing a mystery presence every Monday morning. I roamed off topic a bit – but NOTHING like I do now. I mean, did you read last week’s baseball post?

Encouraged by my buddy William Patrick Maynard (an established Black Gater), I went from some uknown guy commenting on other people’s posts, to a moderately interesting weekly columnist. And every World Fantasy Award-winning website, with an amazing roster of bloggers, needs a mystery column, right???

I talked about joining Black Gate in my chronicle of what passes for my writing career: Ya Gotta Ask.

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There, Wolves: Part III

There, Wolves: Part III

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My Mom’s a Werewolf (Crown International Pictures, May 12, 1989)

A 20 film marathon of werewolf movies I’ve never seen before.

As usual, the films must be free to stream.

I’ve got a bad feeling about this.

My Mom’s a Werewolf (1989) YouTube

Man or beast? Gradual, hairy transformation into rubbish suits.

Howlin’ good time? The 80s are arguably the greatest decade for horror and, perhaps, the much maligned sub-genre of horror comedy, but this one squeaks in at the end hoping to ride some Teen-Wolf coat tails, and it doesn’t quite succeed. The intention is there, everyone gives it their all to a cartoonish level, and John Saxon is awesome, but for me the jokes didn’t always land, and it felt horribly dated.

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There, Wolves: Part II

There, Wolves: Part II

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A Werewolf in England (Dark Temple Motion Pictures, 2020)

A 20 film marathon of werewolf movies I’ve never seen before.

As usual, the films must be free to stream.

I’ve got a bad feeling about this.

A Werewolf in England (2020) Prime

Man or beast? A bunch of hairy honkers.

Howlin’ good time? Hot on the heels of Werewolves Within comes another horror comedy, although this one doesn’t come close to succeeding. It starts well enough, with a title card font reminiscent of the best Bray Studios films, and some gravelly voiced dialects, but it soon regresses into a two-note gag reel of chamber pots and the contents of chamber pots.

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