Browsed by
Category: Fiction

The New Haven Incident – Part One

The New Haven Incident – Part One

Comments 2 comments

Good afterevenmorn!

I know it’s silly greeting, but I’m overly fond of it. Moving swiftly on…

I was struggling with what to write for my usual fortnightly post, and so decided that I’ll instead share some of my writing (thanks to the editors for letting me be lazy this time around!). It’s hopefully a win-win. I don’t have to think this fortnight, and you, with luck, get something entertaining.

If I were to give this an elevator pitch, it would be something like: It’s Resident Evil… but with fairies.

Look, the premise is silly as hell, but I had so much fun writing it (also, I’ve not played any of the R.E. games. I did watch Jacksepticeye play through Resident Evil: The Village, though, so that counts… right?). I hope that translates when people read it. In any case, please enjoy the first part of the weekly serial story. It goes up on my personal blog every Friday, and we’re currently on part seven, so if you’re hard up for some entertainment of a Friday, there’s at least something to occupy some ten to fifteen minutes of it! Anyway, enough with the promo stuff. Here’s the story.

…

Read More Read More

Nero Wolfe’s Brownstone: The Big Store (Wolf J. Flywheel)

Nero Wolfe’s Brownstone: The Big Store (Wolf J. Flywheel)

Comments 2 comments

For nearly the first time in a year, it’s Nero Wolfe’s Brownstone!

If you read my column here, or follow me on FB, you know that I am a gargantuan Nero Wolfe fan (points if you got that). It’s my favorite series in any genre. I’ve written a lot of fiction and non-fiction about him, and below, you can find links to the prior forty-four posts here at Black Gate.

I have several stories in progress (maybe I could actually finish one or two!). There is one project I set aside that has been one of the most fun things I’ve written so far. I’m also a huge Marx Brothers fan. While The Big Store is not considered one of their best movies, I like it quite a bit.

I’m deep into a story in which I have Wolf J. Flywheel hire Wolfe for help solving a murder in The Big Store. The story is original, but it uses the characters, and is definitely an homage. You can imagine how Groucho gets on Wolfe’s nerves.

If this works, I might write one with Groucho and Wolfe, based on the Flywheel, Shyster, and Flywheel radio show. I think I do Groucho and Chico fairly well. Hope you get a chuckle.

The doorbell rang. I put down my coffee and walked out to the hall, waving off Fritz, who had come out of the kitchen. “Allow me. I’ve been staring at the wall for fifteen minutes. I don’t think it’s going to move now that I’ve taken my eye off of it.” I shooed him away.

I looked through the one-way glass to see two men standing on the stoop. Even as a boy in Chillicothe, Ohio, I was never the slack-jawed yokel New Yorkers think we corn-fed Midwesterners are. But I’m pretty sure my mouth was hanging open now. The guy in the front had a ridiculous mustache and dark, bushy eyebrows. Add in the wire rim glasses and cigar, and he was probably the most unique-looking individual to visit the Brownstone.

…

Read More Read More

Nero Wolfe’s Brownstone: Hercule Poirot visits Nero Wolfe

Nero Wolfe’s Brownstone: Hercule Poirot visits Nero Wolfe

Comments 4 comments

Been writing and reading a lot of Nero Wolfe lately (when I’m not re-watching Columbo before bed).

Just to channel Archie, I like to have favorite detectives visit Wolfe’s office. For some fun, I’m well over 5,000 words into a story with Groucho (Rufus Flywheel) and Chico on a case with Archie (and Wolfe) at The Big Store. I’ve tinkered with Dirk Gently (my favorite Douglas Adams character) using Zen navigation and Archie confronting him in front of the Brownstone.

I have toyed with a solo Poirot adventure, based on a non-Poirot story written by Agatha Christie. My Poirot is very much David Suchet’s portrayal, and it’s fun to write.

So, I had Poirot visit the Brownstone. I may add a scene during lunch, with them talking about another subject; the conversation mildly annoying Archie. That could be fun.

The fussy little Belgian was so far forward in the red chair that it barely qualified as sitting. His back was perfectly straight, and there couldn’t have been a centimeter of space between his shoes. I had never seen a man take off a pair of gloves so deliberately. I don’t know how he could possibly be comfortable, but he didn’t seem to be bothered at all. It’s as if that were the only natural way to sit. And I’m telling you, it definitely wasn’t natural.

I had received a call three weeks before from a Captain Arthur Hastings, in London. Wolfe had used a competent operative named Ethelbert Hitchcock over there. And I’m not making that first name up. I started calling him Geoffrey to keep from laughing as I typed these little accounts. I don’t think he’d mind too much.

…

Read More Read More

The Public Life of Sherlock Holmes: The Adventure of the Parson’s Son

The Public Life of Sherlock Holmes: The Adventure of the Parson’s Son

Comments 2 comments

I have been fortunate enough to contribute original stories to five volumes of the MX Book of New Sherlock Holmes Stories series. The brainchild of my Solar Pons buddy, David Marcum, there have been THIRTY-SIX volumes so far, and that will be over forty by the end of the year. The stories are all authentic Holmes pastiches, emulating Doyle’s writings. No modern-age fan fiction nonsense (like, say, the road BBC Sherlock went down).

The contributors donate their royalties, which goes to Undershaw, a school for special needs kids, which is in one of Arthur Conan Doyle’s former homes. Over $100,000 has been raised so far. It’s just a terrific project in multiple ways.

Some of my favorite writers have participated, including Denis O. Smith, Hugh Ashton, John Hall, Will Thomas, and more. I’ve also discovered some new Holmes writers I didn’t know about, like Mark Mower, Mike Hogan, and Tim Symonds.

Plotting is my Achilles heel, but I’m working on getting back in the series with some new stories. Arthur Conan Doyle looked into several true crimes – often to try and thwart a miscarriage of justice. The case of George Edalji is probably the best-known. Not too long ago, a fictionalized account, Arthur and George, was made into a TV miniseries.

For MX, I took that case and had Sherlock Holmes investigate it as it occurred. “The Adventure of the Parson’s Son” appeared in third volume of this series, and was part of the initial three-part release. If you’d like to read a Doyle-styled Holmes story by yours truly, keep on going.

…

Read More Read More

A (Black) Gat in the Hand: Shovel’s Painful Predicament

A (Black) Gat in the Hand: Shovel’s Painful Predicament

Comments 5 comments

“You’re the second guy I’ve met within hours who seems to think a gat in the hand means a world by the tail.” – Phillip Marlowe in Raymond Chandler’s The Big Sleep

(Gat — Prohibition Era term for a gun. Shortened version of Gatling Gun)

I am far more into pastiche – that emulation of an author’s style – than parody, which uses the author’s work to get a laugh. But I do read a little parody; and have written a few short stories in that category. Black Gaters know I am a huge Sherlock Holmes fan. My first column here, which ran weekly for three years, was called The Public Life of Sherlock Holmes (an homage to Sherlockian Vincent Starrett).

And, since you’re reading the 82nd installment of A (Black) Gat in the Hand, you know I love wandering down those Mean Streets. If done well, I think you can mix genres. In this instance – for a little parody fun. William Gillette was THE great stage Sherlock Holmes, having rewritten a first draft of a play by Arthur Conan Doyle himself. Sherlock Holmes – A Drama in Four Acts became an international sensation. Gillette would play the role over 1,300 times on stage, make a film of it, and even, at age 82, record a radio version. It is still performed today, and such notables as Leonard Nimoy, Frank Langella, and Alan Rickman, have performed it on stage. Of course, I wrote about it here at Black Gate.

In 1905, Gillette was to perform a comedy sketch at a charity event. It fell apart at the last minute, and he quickly wrote the curtain-raiser, The Painful Predicament of Sherlock Holmes, which he performed with the great Ethel Barrymore (John’s sister), as a fill-in. He would use it in the future, and it’s a fun spoof of a typical Holmes case.

I decided to rewrite Painful Predicament as a hardboiled parody. And I’m thinking of a follow-up. Shovel himself is a pretty regular PI, and I do use some over-the-top hardboiled prose. But I like the humor the client provides. So, here we go…

…

Read More Read More

Dumas’ Musketeers: Finding their Future in the Past

Dumas’ Musketeers: Finding their Future in the Past

Comments 10 comments


Court of Daggers by Alexandre Dumas,
translated by Lawrence Ellsworth (Substack, 2022)

Besides compiling the Cinema of Swords series, you might be aware of my other ongoing adventure fiction project, editing and translating new, modern editions of Alexandre Dumas’ Musketeers novels. This is an adventure in itself, as The Three Musketeers and its sequels amount to almost two million words in French, and the new English editions of the Musketeers Cycle will fill nine volumes when completed. Thus, it’s a big, multi-year project — and meanwhile the very shape of book publishing is shifting beneath our feet. But it’s shifting in ways you may find interesting, as the kind of genre fiction we celebrate here at Black Gate is even more susceptible to these changes than other literary forms.

The standard business of mainstream book publishing — at least, what seems standard because it’s what we grew up with — is under pressure from many different directions: cost of goods keeps increasing, which cuts into already slim profit margins, megacorp consolidation means fewer publishers and more homogeneity, and the internet, video games, and new digital platforms are all vying for the attention of an audience that is increasingly open to such new attractions.

…

Read More Read More

Nero Wolfe’s Brownstone: Stay at Home – Day 55

Nero Wolfe’s Brownstone: Stay at Home – Day 55

Comments 0 Comment

So, in 2020, as the Pandemic settled in like an unwanted relative who just came for a week and is still tying up the bathroom, I did a series of posts for the FB Page of the Nero Wolfe fan club, The Wolfe Pack. I speculated on what Stay at Home would be like for Archie, living in the Brownstone with Nero Wolfe, Fritz Brenner, and Theodore Horstmann. I have already re-posted days one through fifty-two. Here is day fifty five (May 15). It helps if you read the series in order, so I’ve included links to the earlier entries.

Day Fifty Five – 2020 Stay at Home

I had to step out and help Fred find Evelyn Lanham’s step-son, Jason. Apparently not satisfied with wasting all of his late father’s money, he wanted to break her; thus the bail-jump. He was hiding out in a rented room above a bar down near the docks. Since the bar wasn’t doing much business, it wasn’t a bad spot. Fred got the initial lead but ended up stuck and I got him the rest of the way. The guy got loose from Fred and dashed through the kitchen and then out the back door, which was where I, ever the good operative, happened to be standing. I lent our quarry a hand. Or rather, a foot. He didn’t seem to appreciate the gesture. Parker was happy with us, and since it was a favor, no payment was necessary.

…

Read More Read More

Nero Wolfe’s Brownstone: Stay at Home – Days 50 & 52

Nero Wolfe’s Brownstone: Stay at Home – Days 50 & 52

Comments 0 Comment

So, in 2020, as the Pandemic settled in like an unwanted relative who just came for a week and is still tying up the bathroom, I did a series of posts for the FB Page of the Nero Wolfe fan club, The Wolfe Pack. I speculated on what Stay at Home would be like for Archie, living in the Brownstone with Nero Wolfe, Fritz Brenner, and Theodore Horstmann. I have already re-posted days one through thirty-nine. Here are days fifty (May 10) and fifty-two (May 12). It helps if you read the series in order, so I’ve included links to the earlier entries.

Day Fifty – 2020 Stay at Home

No surprise that it’s been quiet here in the brownstone. Getting out to investigate a crime at Lewis Hewitt’s place was a flurry of activity during the lock down. With so many cases of the virus still being discovered daily, I’ve resisted the urge to call Bascom for a new assignment. Though, I may soon.

At lunch, Wolfe talked about the recovery of the American economy from the Pandemic. Supply chains, consumer fears of infection, strained cash reserves of businesses, social distancing and other health guidelines; It will be a slow return towards normal. Fortunately for him, and also for my paycheck, he expects clients to return. He was suitably grumpy at the prospect, of course. Work remains something to only undertake when forced by circumstances.

But crimes continue. And there will be more crimes of the type clients bring to him, as activity ‘out in the world’ increases. Which will keep him in beer, books, food, and flowers. I may have to practice badgering him into taking on jobs. I’ve gotten out of the habit.

…

Read More Read More

Nero Wolfe’s Brownstone: Stay at Home – Days 45 & 46

Nero Wolfe’s Brownstone: Stay at Home – Days 45 & 46

Comments 0 Comment

So, in 2020, as the Pandemic settled in like an unwanted relative who just came for a week and is still tying up the bathroom, I did a series of posts for the FB Page of the Nero Wolfe fan club, The Wolfe Pack. I speculated on what Stay at Home would be like for Archie, living in the Brownstone with Nero Wolfe, Fritz Brenner, and Theodore Horstmann. I have already re-posted days one through thirty-nine. Here are days forty-five (May 5) and forty-six (May 6). It helps if you read the series in order, so I’ve included links to the earlier entries.

Day Forty Five – 2020 Stay at Home

“WHAT is this?”

I looked back at Nero Wolfe as I went to my desk. “Your beer. What does it look like?” I had just put the tray on his desk.

“This most certainly is not my beer, Archie. What is this flummery?”

“Well, sir, it is Cinco de Mayo.”

“Archie…”

…

Read More Read More

Nero Wolfe’s Brownstone: Stay at Home – Days 42 & 43

Nero Wolfe’s Brownstone: Stay at Home – Days 42 & 43

Comments 0 Comment

So, in 2020, as the Pandemic settled in like an unwanted relative who just came for a week and is still tying up the bathroom, I did a series of posts for the FB Page of the Nero Wolfe fan club, The Wolfe Pack. I speculated on what Stay at Home would be like for Archie, living in the Brownstone with Nero Wolfe, Fritz Brenner, and Theodore Horstmann. I have already re-posted days one through thirty-nine. Here are days forty-two (May 2) and forty-three (May 3). It helps if you read the series in order, so I’ve included links to the earlier entries.

Day Forty Two – 2020 Stay at Home

Lewis Hewitt called early this morning, which was a surprise. He was more prone to call after lunch or in the evening. Wolfe would say that he was excitable. But that didn’t really matter, because my employer was upstairs in the plant room; spending money, not earning it. I had only just entered the office after breakfast in the kitchen with Fritz, when the phone rang. “Nero Wolfe’s Office, Archie Goodwin speaking.”

“Archie, this is Lewis Hewitt. I must speak with Wolfe.” Now, normally, he would say ‘Mister Wolfe’ in this situation. And his voice would be a lot calmer than it sounded.

“Being the orchid fancier that you are, you know that he’s in the plant rooms upstairs from nine until eleven, every day but Sunday. And Sunday it ain’t.”

“Yes, yes, I know, Archie. But I need his help. He needs to come out here to my house.”

…

Read More Read More