Black Gate

Though every period since the birth of celluloid entertainment can boast its share of vampire films, the 1980’s saw a definitely change in how our favorite movie monster was portrayed. The “decade of excess” also heralded the reign of the excessively sexy vamp.

Not that Dracula in all his iterations wasn’t alluringly sexual – this was the “naughty” angle to his story from the Victorian era. But the 80’s saw a new batch of vamps who not only blended in and lived among humans, but at whom we humans could not stop gaping. From Catherine Deneuve and David Bowie in The Hunger, to Chris Sarandon in Fright Night and Lauren Hutton in Once Bitten, vampires replaced capes with haute couture and picked us up in nightclubs rather than (or before) sneaking through our windows.

And what group of undead epitomized the 80’s better than The Lost Boys?

Correct. None at all.

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Having been exceptionally good this year, relatively speaking, Santa brought me the second-most-wished-for item on my list.  I sort of understand why it really wasn’t in Santa’s power to bring my most-wished-for “Men of Black Gate” calendar, but the second item was almost as awesome – a Virtual Reality (VR) headset.

If you’ve had the pleasure of experiencing one of these such as the Oculus Rift, then you know how next-level-amazing it is for total immersion into movies and gaming; so much so that the units come riddled with all manner of warnings about motion sickness and disorientation.

Now, imagine the possibilities when considering using it within the horror genre.

Specifically something like the Aliens franchise.

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Much like bacon, we here at Goth Chick News think everything is better with zombies. Pride and Prejudice was better. Brad Pitt was way better. And even Romeo and Juliette was a bit better, in a dead-guy-falls-for-living-girl kind of way.

But honestly, even we were skeptical that zombies could improve upon what may be the best holiday movie ever: Bob Clark’s classic A Christmas Story.

Thanks to Buzzfeed’s Jesse McLaren, those of us who have fantasized about Ralphie turning his Red Ryder against the undead have received this 30-second gift via YouTube last week.

Stand aside Daryl Dixon, because Dead Eye Ralphie makes this look good…

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In January of this year we reported how J.J. Abrams was up to his old guerrilla marketing tactics again when 10 Cloverfield Lane was not only announced, but also came with a trailer and a release date only a few months later in March. The pseudo-sequel to the 2008 found footage sci-fi/horror film Cloverfield was a box office success, even garnering some serious if fleeting Oscar buzz for John Goodman.

Because 10 Cloverfield Lane reignited fan interest in the franchise (and made such bank), it was pretty much a done deal that there would be another entry in the Cloverfield universe. However, given that it was eight years between the first and second installments, no one was exactly holding their breath.

Then in October it seemed that we should have been, when The Wrap revealed that the next film in the series was already in production — and had a title and a release date: God Particle; ETA February, 2017

However, literally before I could bring you the news, the top secret film directed by Julius Onah, was pulled from the schedule.

Seriously J.J… WTF…?

Now this week comes word from Paramount Pictures’ PR branch that they plan to release a new Cloverfield movie in theaters (and IMAX) on October 27, 2017.

And with that we now have a mystery on our hands.

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Sigh.

I don’t even know where to begin. But pour yourself the adult beverage of your choice and roll a bit closer to the keyboard while I bring you sad tidings.

Back in October, I thoroughly bummed myself out right before the day around which my entire year revolves, by reporting the relentless assault Universal Studios was perpetuating on its own classic monster movie catalog. First in the line of this death-march to the box office was a remake of The Mummy starring Tom Cruise.

Though I am definitively and forever not a fan of Tom Cruise, I am a fan of a well-made or at least well-intentioned horror movie. I held out the slimmest hope that having been the literal celluloid birthplace of the entire lineup of classic monsters, Universal Studios might, just might, opt to protect the originality of their creation, therefore respecting the reverence with which their creatures were held by the fans.

Nope.

This week saw the release of the full trailer for The Mummy, which will be loosed on an innocent public on June 9, 2017. Assuming that this trailer, like any other, contains the best bits of the film and is sincerely meant to make you want to see it…

Heavy sigh.

Of the 2 minute, 34 second snippet, the first 1 minute 19 seconds is consumed with a very Mission Impossible / Jack Reacher style, CGI’d-within-an-inch-of-its-life plane crash which Tom Cruise apparently doesn’t survive, until he does – without a mark on his tiny but toned visage. Then queue the car crashes, explosions and under-water scene that includes a brief glimpse of “Princess Ahmunet” (yes it’s a she-mummy this time around) and Russel Crowe attempting to be ominous.

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It’s the 1981 Academy Awards ceremony and creature-effect magician Richard (“Rick”) Baker is stepping on stage to receive not only the first of what would be his total of seven awards to date (out of 11 nominations), but the first ever handed out for Best Makeup. The award was newly minted that year in response to the lack of an award in 1980 with which to celebrate the incredible makeup effects of The Elephant Man.

Though Baker was already known in Hollywood for his work in The Exorcist, King Kong and The Fury, and would go on to win Academy Awards for Ed Wood and Men in Black among others, his first award for his achievements in An American Werewolf in London would forever be ground-breaking on multiple levels.

Among the vast catalog of werewolf films there are, of course, many standouts – not the least of which is Universal’s 1941 classic The Wolf Man, which introduced the werewolf concept to the then new medium of film. But we’d also need to count Joe Dante’s The Howling and the teenage coming-of-age horror flick Ginger Snaps. In fact, ilovewerewolves.com tallies over 150 werewolf movies made to date; but An American Werewolf in London tops their list.

Starring David Naughton as a young American traveler who is cursed to become a murderous beast when the moon is full after an unfortunate encounter on the British moors, and Griffin Dunne as his dead friend Jack, An American Werewolf in London is generally regarded as not only one of the greatest werewolf movies ever, showcasing what was then the most ingenious special effects, but one of the greatest horror films of all-time.

David and Jack, two American college students, are backpacking through Britain when a large wolf attacks them. David survives with a bite, but Jack is brutally killed.

As David heals in the hospital, he’s plagued by violent nightmares of his mutilated friend, who warns David that he is becoming a werewolf. When David discovers the horrible truth, he contemplates committing suicide before the next full moon causes him to transform from man to murderous beast.

Basically what I’m saying here is that if you haven’t seen it, go do so immediately.

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In the midst of my favorite time of year, I must hang my head and sigh over the undeniable fact that Universal Studios plans to continue its reboot vendetta against its own iconic monster catalog.

This, in spite of the proverbial box office stake being driven straight through the heart of Dracula Untold back in 2014.

Never heard of it? Nope, and you probably never will after this.

Still, to date we have pseudo-confirmations of everything but The Mummy, which has a confirmed release date of June 9, 2017.

• The Mummy (2017), starring Tom Cruise and Sofia Boutella
• Untitled Invisible Man film (TBA), starring Johnny Depp
• Untitled Wolf Man film (TBA)
• Untitled Creature from the Black Lagoon film (TBA)
• Untitled Bride of Frankenstein film (TBA)
• Untitled Jekyll and Mr. Hyde (rumored), starring Russell Crowe
• Untitled Frankenstein film (rumored), starring Javier Bardem

Why you ask?  Or at least that is what I ask as I mix up another pumpkin spice martini.  I mean, its one thing for Hollywood to be bereft of any novel ideas, and quite another to mess with classics of this magnitude.

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