Black Gate

Ape Canyon (Cyfuno Ventures, 2019), Bigfoot vs. The Illuminati (Wownow
Entertainment, 2020), and Big Legend (Sony Pictures Home Entertainment, 2018)

So it begins, a new watch project. All Bigfoot (or similar) movies, no Yetis allowed. They must be films I haven’t seen before. All free to stream.

Ape Canyon – 2019 – Prime

In tents? Nope – safe enough for my daughter to watch.

Any good? An interesting start to my watch-a-thon – this is actually a lightweight character study wrapped up in a dramedy, with nary a Sasquatch in sight. Right out of the gate, we are hit with the Moby Dick allegory that forms the spine of the story about a man-child in search of Bigfoot and meaning to his life, who drags his sensible sister along for the ride. Lots of bad decisions are made, but it’s gently satisfying and well made.

Hit or Myth? 7/10

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Bug Buster (DMG Entertainment, 1998), Mesa of Lost Women (Howco Productions,
1953), and Earth vs. the Spider (American International Pictures, 1958)

Bug Buster – 1998 – Prime

Giant bugs?

Not until the last five minutes, then we get MOTHER BUG (Doug Jones)

CGI heavy?

A couple of unconvincing enhancements, but for the most part, practical and sticky.

Any good?

I started out with a bit of optimism due to the interesting cast including George Takei, James Doohan, Randy Quaid, Meredith Salanger, and a very young Katherine Heigl. Unfortunately, the script was so poor and the direction so pedestrian, that it turned into a bit of a slog.

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Ice Spiders (Syfy Channel, 2007), Tail Sting (Shoreline Entertainment,
2001), and Big Bad Bugs (SuperNova Films, 2012)

 

Ice Spiders (2007, YouTube)

Giant bugs?

Very large spiders! About the size of a skidoo.

CGI-heavy?

Yes. Mid-2000s quality too.

Any good?

Big bug movie watching fatigue is a real thing. Don’t get me wrong, I could watch monster movies until the camel spiders come home, but sitting through the same old tired format is draining me faster than a Dalmatian-sized black widow.

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Arachnicide (See Thru Pictures, 2014)

I’m sometimes asked why I haven’t got around to watching Oppenheimer or Killers of the Flower Moon yet, and that’s because I’m too busy watching this sort of stuff. Come with me as we begin our foray into the world of angry insects!

Arachnicide (2014, YouTube)

Giant bugs?

You have to wait for around 53 minutes for anything with more than 2 legs to show up.

CGI-heavy?

CGI HEAVY, as in ALL CG, including the environments, landscapes, helicopters, soldiers walking to helicopters, satellites, and the giant spiders.

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The Dead and the Damned (Mattia Borrani Productions, 2010), The Pale Door (Shudder,
2020), and The Magnificent Dead (Broom Closet Video, 2010)

The Dead and the Damned (2011) – Tubi

Stand-off with six guns?

Lots of unconvincing shootin’.

Uncomfortable chaps?

Rubbish zombies.

Any good?

As with some previous entries, it gives me no pleasure to rip into this film.

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The Wind (IFC Midnight, 2018), Devil Rider (Curb/Esquire Films,
1989), and Luz, the Flower of Evil (Afasia Films, 2019)

The Wind (2018) – Prime

Stand-off with six guns?

A bit of shotgun.

Uncomfortable chaps?

Demons of the Prairies.

Any good?

Yes, very good. A slow burn, ensemble production with stunning cinematography and an awesome soundtrack.

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Dead Noon (Igotshde Productions, 2009), Mad at the Moon (Republic Pictures
Home Video, 1992), and Bullets for the Dead (Visionquest Entertainment, 2015)

I’m sometimes asked why I haven’t got around to watching Oppenheimer or Killers of the Flower Moon yet, and that’s because I’m too busy watching this sort of stuff.

Dead Noon (2009) – Prime

Stand-off with six guns?

Yep. Flaming bullets too.

Uncomfortable chaps?

Zombies, demons etc.

Any good?

No, ma’am.

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Last and First Men (Zik Zak Filmworks, February 2020)

Just watched Last and First Men (2020), an Icelandic sci-fi film by the late composer Jóhann Jóhannsson who sadly died two years before the film’s release. It is based on the 1930 novel Last and First Men: A Story of the Near and Far Future by British writer Olaf Stapledon, and rather than employing a typical film narrative, Jóhannsson chose to present a meditation on the theme, with Tilda Swinton’s voice-over combined with a haunting score and stark, black and white images of forgotten monuments shot in grainy 16mm.

Swinton begins by saying “Listen patiently,” and you must be patient, in fact you might do well to approach it as an audiobook with a visual montage. The images are of inhospitable landscapes studded with brutalist architecture and the iconography of an extinct race (us) set two billion years in the future.

It’s fascinating, somewhat hypnotic, beautifully made, and worth 71 minutes of your time if you need a quiet moment alone with Tilda’s voice.

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