Black Gate

Demi Moore in The Substance (Mubi, 2024)

Just staggered out of the cinema, shell-shocked and delirious, after witnessing what will undoubtedly be the best film I’ll see all year.

Coralie Fargeat’s audacious debut film, Revenge (2017), concerns a young woman called Jen, who is raped and left for dead by three men. Over the course of the film we are witness to Jen’s transformation from a meek, fun-loving person, into a vengeful spirit of death. The film is stunning to look at, painful to watch, and brutal as all hell. If you have indeed seen it, then you might think you have an idea of what to expect from The Substance.

You have no idea.

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Primal Rage (Talent One, 2018), Wild Men (Goocher Films,
2017), and The Bigfoot Project (Fallen Films, 2017)

This is Part III of my new watch project. All Bigfoot (or similar) movies, no Yetis allowed. They must be films I haven’t seen before. All free to stream. Read Part I here and and Part II here.

Primal Rage – 2018 – Tubi

In tents? It had its moments.

Any good? Ooh, this was a good one. A survival horror with a dash of Deliverance and a sprinkling of Predator, this one features an Uber-Sasquatch picking off hapless hikers and hunters using primitive tools and forest camouflage. It’s a great looking monster, and the film is chock full of extreme practical gore. Chock full. I love it when former fx artists direct movies (see Harbinger Down), as the effects work is always front and center and beautifully shot.

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Bigfoot: The Lost Coast Tapes (New Breed Entertainment, 2011), Sasquatch
(North American Film Enterprises, 1976), and Bigfoot (Syfy, 2012)

This is Part II of my new watch project. All Bigfoot (or similar) movies, no Yetis allowed. They must be films I haven’t seen before. All free to stream. Read Part I here.

Bigfoot: The Lost Coast Tapes – 2012 – Tubi

In tents? Very nearly.

Any good? I’m not a fan of found footage movies, and of the scores produced over the years I can probably count the films I’ve enjoyed on one hand. This one isn’t too bad, but it falls foul of the ‘film everything’ trope, when just dropping the camera and running might have resulted in a higher survival rate. The ‘squatch fodder in this film is a production crew out to expose Bigfoot as an elaborate hoax, but realizing a little bit too late that there might be some truth to it all.

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Ape Canyon (Cyfuno Ventures, 2019), Bigfoot vs. The Illuminati (Wownow
Entertainment, 2020), and Big Legend (Sony Pictures Home Entertainment, 2018)

So it begins, a new watch project. All Bigfoot (or similar) movies, no Yetis allowed. They must be films I haven’t seen before. All free to stream.

Ape Canyon – 2019 – Prime

In tents? Nope – safe enough for my daughter to watch.

Any good? An interesting start to my watch-a-thon – this is actually a lightweight character study wrapped up in a dramedy, with nary a Sasquatch in sight. Right out of the gate, we are hit with the Moby Dick allegory that forms the spine of the story about a man-child in search of Bigfoot and meaning to his life, who drags his sensible sister along for the ride. Lots of bad decisions are made, but it’s gently satisfying and well made.

Hit or Myth? 7/10

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Bug Buster (DMG Entertainment, 1998), Mesa of Lost Women (Howco Productions,
1953), and Earth vs. the Spider (American International Pictures, 1958)

Bug Buster – 1998 – Prime

Giant bugs?

Not until the last five minutes, then we get MOTHER BUG (Doug Jones)

CGI heavy?

A couple of unconvincing enhancements, but for the most part, practical and sticky.

Any good?

I started out with a bit of optimism due to the interesting cast including George Takei, James Doohan, Randy Quaid, Meredith Salanger, and a very young Katherine Heigl. Unfortunately, the script was so poor and the direction so pedestrian, that it turned into a bit of a slog.

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Ice Spiders (Syfy Channel, 2007), Tail Sting (Shoreline Entertainment,
2001), and Big Bad Bugs (SuperNova Films, 2012)

 

Ice Spiders (2007, YouTube)

Giant bugs?

Very large spiders! About the size of a skidoo.

CGI-heavy?

Yes. Mid-2000s quality too.

Any good?

Big bug movie watching fatigue is a real thing. Don’t get me wrong, I could watch monster movies until the camel spiders come home, but sitting through the same old tired format is draining me faster than a Dalmatian-sized black widow.

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Arachnicide (See Thru Pictures, 2014)

I’m sometimes asked why I haven’t got around to watching Oppenheimer or Killers of the Flower Moon yet, and that’s because I’m too busy watching this sort of stuff. Come with me as we begin our foray into the world of angry insects!

Arachnicide (2014, YouTube)

Giant bugs?

You have to wait for around 53 minutes for anything with more than 2 legs to show up.

CGI-heavy?

CGI HEAVY, as in ALL CG, including the environments, landscapes, helicopters, soldiers walking to helicopters, satellites, and the giant spiders.

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The Dead and the Damned (Mattia Borrani Productions, 2010), The Pale Door (Shudder,
2020), and The Magnificent Dead (Broom Closet Video, 2010)

The Dead and the Damned (2011) – Tubi

Stand-off with six guns?

Lots of unconvincing shootin’.

Uncomfortable chaps?

Rubbish zombies.

Any good?

As with some previous entries, it gives me no pleasure to rip into this film.

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The Wind (IFC Midnight, 2018), Devil Rider (Curb/Esquire Films,
1989), and Luz, the Flower of Evil (Afasia Films, 2019)

The Wind (2018) – Prime

Stand-off with six guns?

A bit of shotgun.

Uncomfortable chaps?

Demons of the Prairies.

Any good?

Yes, very good. A slow burn, ensemble production with stunning cinematography and an awesome soundtrack.

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Dead Noon (Igotshde Productions, 2009), Mad at the Moon (Republic Pictures
Home Video, 1992), and Bullets for the Dead (Visionquest Entertainment, 2015)

I’m sometimes asked why I haven’t got around to watching Oppenheimer or Killers of the Flower Moon yet, and that’s because I’m too busy watching this sort of stuff.

Dead Noon (2009) – Prime

Stand-off with six guns?

Yep. Flaming bullets too.

Uncomfortable chaps?

Zombies, demons etc.

Any good?

No, ma’am.

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