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Author: Neil Baker

I Like Big Bugs and I Cannot Lie, Part II

I Like Big Bugs and I Cannot Lie, Part II


Ice Spiders (Syfy Channel, 2007), Tail Sting (Shoreline Entertainment,
2001), and Big Bad Bugs (SuperNova Films, 2012)

 

Ice Spiders (2007, YouTube)

Giant bugs?

Very large spiders! About the size of a skidoo.

CGI-heavy?

Yes. Mid-2000s quality too.

Any good?

Big bug movie watching fatigue is a real thing. Don’t get me wrong, I could watch monster movies until the camel spiders come home, but sitting through the same old tired format is draining me faster than a Dalmatian-sized black widow.

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I Like Big Bugs and I Cannot Lie, Part I

I Like Big Bugs and I Cannot Lie, Part I

Arachnicide (See Thru Pictures, 2014)

I’m sometimes asked why I haven’t got around to watching Oppenheimer or Killers of the Flower Moon yet, and that’s because I’m too busy watching this sort of stuff. Come with me as we begin our foray into the world of angry insects!

Arachnicide (2014, YouTube)

Giant bugs?

You have to wait for around 53 minutes for anything with more than 2 legs to show up.

CGI-heavy?

CGI HEAVY, as in ALL CG, including the environments, landscapes, helicopters, soldiers walking to helicopters, satellites, and the giant spiders.

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Neil’s Horror Corner: The Weird, Weird West, Part III

Neil’s Horror Corner: The Weird, Weird West, Part III


The Dead and the Damned (Mattia Borrani Productions, 2010), The Pale Door (Shudder,
2020), and The Magnificent Dead (Broom Closet Video, 2010)

The Dead and the Damned (2011) – Tubi

Stand-off with six guns?

Lots of unconvincing shootin’.

Uncomfortable chaps?

Rubbish zombies.

Any good?

As with some previous entries, it gives me no pleasure to rip into this film.

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Neil’s Horror Corner: The Weird, Weird West, Part II

Neil’s Horror Corner: The Weird, Weird West, Part II


The Wind (IFC Midnight, 2018), Devil Rider (Curb/Esquire Films,
1989), and Luz, the Flower of Evil (Afasia Films, 2019)

The Wind (2018) – Prime

Stand-off with six guns?

A bit of shotgun.

Uncomfortable chaps?

Demons of the Prairies.

Any good?

Yes, very good. A slow burn, ensemble production with stunning cinematography and an awesome soundtrack.

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Neil’s Horror Corner: The Weird, Weird West, Part 1

Neil’s Horror Corner: The Weird, Weird West, Part 1


Dead Noon (Igotshde Productions, 2009), Mad at the Moon (Republic Pictures
Home Video, 1992), and Bullets for the Dead (Visionquest Entertainment, 2015)

I’m sometimes asked why I haven’t got around to watching Oppenheimer or Killers of the Flower Moon yet, and that’s because I’m too busy watching this sort of stuff.

Dead Noon (2009) – Prime

Stand-off with six guns?

Yep. Flaming bullets too.

Uncomfortable chaps?

Zombies, demons etc.

Any good?

No, ma’am.

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Call of the Sea: Cosmic Conundrums

Call of the Sea: Cosmic Conundrums

You begin your adventure on the white shore of a beautiful Tahitian isaland.

Call of the Sea is the first title for Out of the Blue, a new game company working out of Madrid, Spain. It had a limited release at the end of 2020, and went worldwide across all consoles in 2021. For a debut game, Call of the Sea is an impressive achievement, and Out of the Blue have set themselves a pretty high bar to follow.

Billed as a puzzle game with adventure elements, Call of the Sea evokes the head-scratching joys of Myst, Quern or The Talos Principle, and flavors the brew with Lovecraftian elements that take the form of Easter eggs rather than eldritch horrors that have to be engaged. In fact, there is no confrontation at all in the game, you will be utterly alone for the entire experience save for some flashbacks and the occasional glimpsed beastie in the waves. Despite the origins of the story, the game is relatively horror-free, relying instead on an atmosphere thick with dread and some excellent sound design, so this is a recommended outing for the more timid game players among us (myself included).

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A Hypnotic 71 Minutes: Last and First Men

A Hypnotic 71 Minutes: Last and First Men

Last and First Men (Zik Zak Filmworks, February 2020)

Just watched Last and First Men (2020), an Icelandic sci-fi film by the late composer Jóhann Jóhannsson who sadly died two years before the film’s release. It is based on the 1930 novel Last and First Men: A Story of the Near and Far Future by British writer Olaf Stapledon, and rather than employing a typical film narrative, Jóhannsson chose to present a meditation on the theme, with Tilda Swinton’s voice-over combined with a haunting score and stark, black and white images of forgotten monuments shot in grainy 16mm.

Swinton begins by saying “Listen patiently,” and you must be patient, in fact you might do well to approach it as an audiobook with a visual montage. The images are of inhospitable landscapes studded with brutalist architecture and the iconography of an extinct race (us) set two billion years in the future.

It’s fascinating, somewhat hypnotic, beautifully made, and worth 71 minutes of your time if you need a quiet moment alone with Tilda’s voice.

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Warrior Women Watch-a-thon Part 2: The Middle Ground

Warrior Women Watch-a-thon Part 2: The Middle Ground

My look back on my Warrior Women film marathon continues with a clutch of movies that I don’t consider terrible, but don’t meet many of my requirements either. For a detailed rundown of the criteria I imposed on this project, see Part 1 here.

The first four in this group actually pass the Bedschel Test, but are still lacking in anything resembling practical armour. This group also includes a cheat film, as I had seen Red Sonja back in the day (and had mostly forgotten it), but I got around this using an entirely unnecessary loophole, which meant watching it in Spanish on YouTube with a translated transcription on my phone. Red Sonja still feels like a bit of a wasted opportunity and merely a vehicle for more Schwarzenegger flexing (who reportedly regards it as one of his worst films).

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Warrior Women Watch-a-thon Part 1: The Good

Warrior Women Watch-a-thon Part 1: The Good

I am currently in the first draft mire of a fantasy novel, bogged down by self-doubt and synonyms, but bravely wading on regardless. It’s the sort of sweeping epic that could get picked up and made into a second-rate show by a streaming service desperate for content, but my lofty aspirations aren’t the problem right now; rather, it is my need to educate myself as a writer. I generally avoid over-describing characters, but on two occasions I found myself writing about a pair of fighters and focusing less on their motivations and more on the amount of exposed thigh between their boots and Faulds. This had nothing to do with serving the story, and more to do with titillating 14-yr-old me and, after some revision, it got me thinking about the influences that led me here.

Born in the late sixties, my formative years were spent in 1970’s Britain, surrounded by page 3, Benny Hill, Carry On and Leela on Dr. Who. Linda Carter’s Wonder Woman was all the rage, and Caroline Munro was in everything I loved. Women could be warriors but, by thunder, they had to be sexy too.

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Street Battles and God-like Machines: The Robots of Gotham by Todd McAulty

Street Battles and God-like Machines: The Robots of Gotham by Todd McAulty

The Robots of Gotham paperback-small The Robots of Gotham paperback-back-small

Cover design by Mark R. Robinson

The Robots of Gotham has nothing to do with Batman (much to the chagrin of one, 1-star reviewer on Goodreads) and everything to do with A.I. dominance on a global scale, with this particular story set in an embattled Chicago. The year is 2083, and the world is dominated by Venezuelan ‘peace-keeping’ forces and vast, God-like super robots. Uprisings have been hastily and ruthlessly quashed, and humans now go about their lives in an uneasy alliance with the machines they inadvertently created.

The story is told from the point of view of Barry Simcoe, a 30-something I.T. specialist and CEO of a Canadian company, who is visiting Mud Town to secure some deals. From the outset of the novel, Barry is caught up in a violent street battle involving Venezuelan forces and giant, murderous mechs. He barely squeaks out alive, and holes up in a hotel, which becomes the focal point for the rest of the book. As the story unfolds, Barry discovers an insidious plot to do away with a vast swathe of humanity to pave the way for fascist robo-leaders, and he must ally himself with a collection of well-drawn characters in order to reveal the truth and, most importantly, survive.

The Robots of Gotham is a solid debut novel, coming in at 688 pages in the chunky hardback edition, and it takes commitment to heft it, even with the dust jacket off. I didn’t have to strain for long though, as reading it was a breeze. McAulty’s writing skips along lickety-split and was intriguing enough to keep me engrossed, even during the ‘technical’ bits which needed a second read, as the first time all I heard was Charlie Brown’s teacher.

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