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Author: Bob Byrne

Guns or Butter? Total War: Warhammer II

Guns or Butter? Total War: Warhammer II

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I came to Total War way back when, through TW: Rome. Arriving in 2004, it was the third game in the TW series, after Shogun, and Medieval. I liked it, though I wasn’t addicted – as I was to many games back then. But it was fun marshaling armies, and then marching them out to crush your enemies. I talked about it a little bit a few weeks ago in my RTS overview (man, Myth: The Fallen Lords was such a great game!).

Sort of the “What is best in life?” response from the first Conan movie with Ah-nuld:

“To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentations of their women.”

There have been over a dozen incarnations, with the Egyptian-themed Pharaoh just dropping in 2023. What I’d LOOOOOVE, is for them to get the license from the Tolkien Estate and do TW: Middle Earth. I enjoyed Battle for Middle Earth I (never played II). But even a decently-done TW: Middle Earth would be FANTASTIC!!!!

Anywhoo. I’ve never done the Warhammer thing, but TW: Warhammer I came out in 2016. And TW: Warhammer II followed the next year. WH II has become the rabbit hole I periodically jump down. This game is — as my buddy Tony dubbed Diablo II long ago — electronic crack.

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What I’ve Been Listening To: February, 2025

What I’ve Been Listening To: February, 2025

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I haven’t shared what I’ve been listening to, since November. How have you lasted this long??? Let’s rectify that right now, shall we?

ISAAC STEELE & THE FOREVER MAN – Daniel Rigby

This is the first of two originals produced by Audible as The Isaac Steele Chronicles – it’s not a print or digital book turned into an audiobook.

Rigby wrote it, and he narrates as well. He sounds a lot like Cary Elwes, which totally works for me (you want a great audiobook – Elwes’ memoir about the making of The Princess Bride, with several cast members reading their own parts, is superb).

It’s NSFW – I don’t play this one out loud in the office. I’d say ‘raunchy.’ So, take that for what it is.

Steele works for Greatest Britain’s Department of Clarification. He’s basically a police detective for the intergalactic British government. Greatest Britain is about as beloved as Britain was during the Colonial Era. Steele is never the most popular guy in the room. He also drinks, does drugs, has unresolved parental issues, and he’s not exactly a stickler for the rules. A scifi version of the hardboiled private eye trope.

He can be his own worst enemy, but there are plenty of other people, robots, and monsters, willing to make his life worse for him. He has a robotic partner, Timothy, who sulks in his tent like Achilles, after getting benched on the case. Steele is less than gracious in welcoming his new, temporary partner.

This is campy fun, without being silly. I can imagine that there are some seriously devoted fans, on board for more.

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Beware of Greeks Bearing Gifts (and giant wooden horses. I mean, seriously!)

Beware of Greeks Bearing Gifts (and giant wooden horses. I mean, seriously!)

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The story of Troy has been my favorite myth since I was a little kid. Greek mythology is far and away my favorite (Norse is a distant second), and I used to check Bullfinch’s out of my grade school library and lug it home. That was a relatively big book. I have my own copy now, of course.

The worst part, is I always root for the Trojans. It never ends well for them. If they had just listened to Laocoon. Though, Athena definitely made that a dangerous proposition…

I’ve used a couple names from Thieves World over the years, in various online RPGs. But hands down, the Iliad has been my main source. Hector, and some variation of Astyanax (I prefer it with more ‘N’ or ‘X’, has far and away my favorite names for fighters (especially paladins). I’ve used a few others, like Penthesilia, Cassandra, and Deiphobus (Helenus just doesn’t work for me).

Way back in pre-Windows days (I think), there was a really cool computer game that included a Troy section. I think you were Jason with his Argonauts, roaming the world. Age of Empires II (man, I played the heck out of that) included a Troy campaign (except I had to sack Troy. Sniff, sniff). There’s a Total War: Troy (kind of a scaled down TW game) that I don’t have yet. You might have read over the past couple weeks that I’m a huge Total War: Warhammer I/II fan.

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Looking Back at RTS – and Myth: The Fallen Lords

Looking Back at RTS – and Myth: The Fallen Lords

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So….one of the rabbit holes I periodically jump down is Total War: Warhammer II. That’s easily my favorite in the Total War series (I played a boatload of TW: I as well. You can use units from I, in II, in some campaigns, which increases the utility of the first game. I appreciate that.

I struggle with the first 15-or-so turns, and frequently abandon a new game, pick another faction, and try again. I like playing different factions, so that’s fine. Also, I often plateau around 70-75 turns, and start a new game as well.

I reinstalled TW: I and II last month and have been playing again. It’s been fun. After a half-dozen false starts, I’m having one of my most successful games leading a chivalry-based, Middle Ages-type faction (WH is a fantasy world, with elves, orcs, beastmen, etc). And I realized I was applying the principles that George Washington advised America about in his famous Farewell Address. Being a Constitutional Convention of 1787 wonk, I’m reasonably familiar with Washington, who presided over the Convention.

However, as I type this right now, it is obvious that such a post is definitely not gonna be ready for tomorrow morning (which would be when this one went live – Monday the 3rd.

And let met tell you, there are multiple elements of Washington’s Address that apply today. Including about people in the country undermining it by pitting one group against another. And that applies to quite a few groups/people…

So instead, we’re talking about a few Real Time Strategy (RTS) games I’ve played over the years. The basic definition of RTS is games that don’t move forward incrementally in turns, but move along in ‘real time.’

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Ten Things I Think I Think: January 2025

Ten Things I Think I Think: January 2025

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It’s been a whole month since I randomly shared my opinions on things I think. How in the world have you made it through the start of this new year, without that????

So, I think that:

1) THE LORD OF A SHATTERED LAND IS TERRIFIC

If you follow me on Facebook – or even read my column here every Monday – you know I’ve been talking about my Black Gate buddy Howard Andrew Jones, who passed away earlier this month. Click on over to see what I had to say last week about a really great guy.

I had not yet read Howard’s most recent trilogy, the Chronicles of Hanuvar. Howard’s Arabian fantasy mystery short stories featuring Dabir and Asim have been my favorites of his work (even more so than the two novels featuring the duo).

But man – this first book in the trilogy is his best work. Incorporating several short stories previously published, it’s very episodic in nature, which I liked. They’re linked together, making up Hanuvar’s ongoing quest, and the format keeps things moving. There’s no padding here.

While I have sword of sorcery from folks like Robert E. Howard and Fritz Lieber on my shelves, I’m more an epic fantasy fan, ala J.R.R. Tolkien, Terry Brooks, David Eddings, and Robert Jordan. I feel like Howard’s trilogy is epic sword and sorcery – a hybrid of the two which would also include Glen Cook’s The Black Company. It contains the individual adventuring aspect of sword and sorcery (stakes are more focused on the hero, not nations or empires), with the epic story scope of high fantasy. Howard’s trilogy is Epic Sword and Sorcery.

I finished Lord of a Shattered Land, put it on the shelf, and immediately sat down and began The City of Marble and Blood. And boy, does something big happen by page twenty-five!! The latter two books are in traditional novel form. So be it – I’m in.

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An Important Life – Howard Andrew Jones (1968 – 2025)

An Important Life – Howard Andrew Jones (1968 – 2025)

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A LIFE IS NOT IMPORTANT EXCEPT IN THE IMPACT IT HAS ON OTHER LIVES – Jackie Robinson’s epitaph

Mark Rigney, Howard Andrew Jones, Bob Byrne

I did an interview last week with Jason Waltz for his ’24 in 42′ podcast (Yeah, I know: You just can’t wait to hear that one…).

One of the questions was about my favorite quote/lyric/poem/motivational thought. Some of you who know me probably figure it’s a Bible verse. And there are a couple that are right up there.

But it’s the epitaph on Jackie Robinson’s gravestone, which leads off this post.

My buddy Howard Andrew Jones has passed away from brain cancer. You’re going to see a LOT of people singing his praises in the coming weeks. All of it deserved. If I can stop crying long enough, my Monday morning post will be on Howard.

But you’re gonna see a common thread in the talk about Howard. The impact he had on other people’s lives. Especially in encouraging and helping writers – mostly in the sword and sorcery field.

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The Public Life of Sherlock Holmes: Poirot on the Radio

The Public Life of Sherlock Holmes: Poirot on the Radio

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I enjoy radio plays, and frequently listen to them on my phone while I drive, work, or drift off to sleep. I only recently noticed Audible’s sleep timer feature, which is certainly useful for the latter.

This includes The New Adventures of Mike Hammer, Nero Wolfe (on the CBC), Terry Pratchett’s Discworld, Clive Merrison and John Stanley as Sherlock Holmes, Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency, The Caine Mutiny Court Martial, Mistletoe Murders: And Hercule Poirot.

I enjoy audiobooks and listen to them all year long. They let me get to books I wouldn’t have time to sit down and read. And lets me re-visit favorites, easily.

But I quite like listening to a radio play. I’m fortunate that there are a couple dozen good Poirot ones. And John Moffatt’s are in my rotation all year long.

Of course, I wrote about David Suchet’s masterful performance on British TV. It was Suchet’s Poirot, and Maury Chaykin’s Nero Wolfe, which led me to read the stories they were based on. I cannot possibly imagine a better Poirot, ever.

I have gone in-depth on radio Poriot, here and here: I’ll talk about them below. But first, a bit of a surprisingly good radio Poirot.

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The Public Life of Sherlock Holmes: Death (of a Detective) in Paradise

The Public Life of Sherlock Holmes: Death (of a Detective) in Paradise

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And we kick off 2025 with the return of the column that earned me regular gig here at Black Gate. I’m ostensibly the in-house mystery guy around here, though I’m way beyond all over the place. Death in Paradise is a police procedural (it is not, however, a buddy cop show) with a fair amount of humor, and it debuted on BBC1 on October 25, 2011. The show started airing a Christmas special a few years ago, and episode number 109 just aired on December 22, 2024.

The basic premise is that Scotland Yard assigns a DCI (Detective Chief Inspector) to duty on the island of Saint Marie (pronounced ‘San Marie’), located in the Lesser Antilles. Saint Marie was turned over to the British by the French roughly forty years before the show starts. So, it still has a French-Caribbean culture.

There is a four-person police unit, with the DCI (Richard Poole) joined by a local Detective Sergeant (Camille), and two local uniform ‘beat cops’ (Dwayne, and Fidel). There are two other regulars: the female owner of a local bar (Catherine, who is Camille’s mother), and the Police Superintendent (Patterson). Five of the six main characters are island natives, so this is a classic fish-out-of-water scenario.

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The Best of Bob: 2024

The Best of Bob: 2024

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Happy 2025! Let’s kick butt for another year. Or at least, limp to the finish 52 weeks. from now. I take what I can get. I started a Best of Bob feature last year. And while it may seem I’m constantly finding folks to write my column for me (hey – it’s a gift!), some of you Black Gaters may be surprised that I occasionally actually write my own essays for the Monday morning slot. John O’Neill is too savvy an editor for me to completely fool him for over decade.

So here are what I thought were ten of my better efforts in 2024. Hopefully you saw them back when I first posted them. But if not, maybe you’ll check out a few now. Ranking them seemed a bit egotistical, so they’re in chronological order. Let’s go!

1) Roaming the Old West, with Holmes on the Range (February 5, 2024)

It might look like I just throw something together every week (and looks aren’t always deceptive). But when I can find the time, I love putting together something special. And after reading/re-reading the entire series, I really nailed a three-part series on Steve Hockensmith’s Sherlock Holmes influenced, Old West mysteries about cowboy brothers Old Red and Big Red.

I followed up a pretty solid series overview, with the first-ever comprehensive chronology! And then, we rounded it out with a great Q&A from Steve himself. This is a terrific series: a great read, and solid on audiobook. Late in the year, the first two novels in a spin-off series that’s more Old West adventure than Holmes-flavored, came out. I’m looking forward to more of all aspects of the Double-A Western Detective Agency.

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A Holmes Christmas Carol

A Holmes Christmas Carol

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Just about everyone is familiar with A Christmas Carol. The first short movie was made in 1901, based on a play adapted from Charles Dickens’ novel. And there were new adaptations this year. THAT is enduring.

I’ve seen different word counts, but Dickens’ work is about 29,000 words long. That’s a very short novel. But, as with any adaptation, some things are left out.

I took Dickens’ original novel – not one of the movie versions – and rewrote it as a Sherlock Holmes tale. I include some text from Dickens, and some stuff I’m not familiar with from just watching the movies.

I have about a half-dozen published Holmes short stories, and I think that I voice Watson, and emulate Doyle, fairly well. Well enough to give my stuff a try, I feel. And in this one, I feel like I presented some depth to Holmes, but I also remained faithful to Doyle’s actual character.

So, give it a read.

I

It is with a certain sense of misgiving that I relate the following tale, which took place during the Christmas season in 1902. I had moved out of our Baker Street lodgings earlier that year, having married only a few months before. I had rooms in Queen Anne Street and was quite busy with my flourishing medical practice. A newly married man, I once again found myself as head of a household, with all of the duties thereof. I saw Holmes infrequently, but had found the time to stop by the day before Christmas. Knowing he would have no plans of any kind, I extended to him an invitation to join my wife and I for Christmas day.

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