It all started with Big Cheese John O’s Facebook post in which he tagged me on a painting of a Yule Cat by Emi Boz [Macabre Cabaret Artist]. True, I love pretty much everything Boz does, but that’s not the reason J.O. tagged me. Instead he was commenting on how I had warned him about the Yule Cat. Actually, this legend is one of the many which are referenced in The Dead of Winter, a new holiday release I wrote about a couple weeks back, so technically I did warn him. But it made me want to know more about the Yule Cat — welcome to the deep dark hole in the frozen ground, into which I have just descended researching this.

It starts with the Yule Lads.

When it comes to holiday traditions, Iceland doesn’t mess around with just one Santa Claus, they bring in thirteen. But before you imagine thirteen jolly old men in red suits, forget it. This is Iceland we’re talking about where the average temperature for more than half the year is 30F and the natives are direct descendants of Norse Vikings, so they don’t play. The thirteen Yule Lads (known as Jólasveinar) are mischievous, snack-stealing pranksters who take turns visiting children on the thirteen nights leading up to Christmas Eve, bringing chaos to the holiday season.

The Yule Lads are the trollish sons of two fearsome parents: Grýla, a child-eating ogress, and her lazy husband, Leppalúði. The legend describes Grýla as a scary troll who has the ability to detect when children misbehave, hunts them down, and takes them back to her cave to make a stew of them. Leppalúði is known as the lazy husband who doesn’t do much other than enjoy Grýla´s child-based recipes.

This charming couple own a big black cat known as the Yule Cat (jólakötturinn). As it is the pet of offspring-eating trolls, the cat is understandably vicious and likes to hunt children who do not receive anything new to wear for Christmas and…you guessed it…eats them.

So basically, misbehaving Icelandic children wearing last year’s fashions are pretty much doomed.

From this delightful background come the thirteen Yule Lads to terrorize the children that don’t become supper for the trolls and their cat.

Starting on the 12th of December, the lads emerge one by one to check out the kids’ shoes. Children place one of their shoes on the windowsill of their rooms on each of the twelve pre-Christmas nights in hopes of distracting the lads who I assume have a shoe fetish. For those children that behave well during that day the Yule lads will leave candy or a small treat, but for those who behave badly can expect a rotten potato – which is at least better than being consumed.

Each Yule Lad has a very specific quirk that makes them stand out from your average holiday helpers. Here’s a few of them:

• Sheep-Cote Clod (Stekkjastaur): He loves bothering sheep but struggles with the whole “sneaking” thing because of his stiff legs.
• Gully Gawk (Giljagaur): Ever had your milk mysteriously disappear? It’s not your skiving roommate, it’s this guy, who skulks around raiding dairy products.
• Stubby (Stúfur): The shortest of the bunch, Stubby is obsessed with stealing pans to lick off leftovers.
• Spoon-Licker (Þvörusleikir): If your kitchen spoons go missing, Spoon-Licker might be behind it.
• Door-Slammer (Hurðaskellir): Forget silent nights, Door-Slammer sneaks around slamming doors, usually when everyone’s trying to sleep.

Other lads include Window-Peeper (Gluggagægir), Doorway-Sniffer (Gáttaþefur) and Sausage-Swiper (Bjúgnakrækir), whose names tell you everything you need to know.

I can’t wait to see the comments I get about this.

While the Yule Lads used to be more sinister, with stealing and scaring as their primary hobbies, they’ve mellowed over the years. Today, they’re more likely to inspire laughter than screams. Icelandic kids look forward to their antics, and tourists love spotting their statues and decorations around the country during the holidays.

So, this season, raise a glass of eggnog to Iceland’s Yule Lads: the original pranksters of Christmas, reminding us all to keep an eye on our dairy products, bolt the doors and windows, and of course, keep track of your sausages.

Goth Chick News will be doing just that for the next two weeks, while hunkering down to catch up on reading and VR-gaming.

Wishing you all a very Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!