Inseminoid (Jupiter Film Productions, 1981) and Alien: Reign of Man (Pikchure Zero Entertainment, 2017)

This is Part II of a new, 20-film marathon. The rules:

Must include aliens
Cannot take place on Earth
I haven’t seen it before
Free to stream

Inseminoid (1981) Prime

Aliens? Bug-eyed baby gravy donor, murderous spawn.

CGI heavy? Nope.

Any good? Released overseas as Horror Planet, this British film is just another of the Alien rip-offs that dominated video store shelves in the early 80s. Made for one million great British pounds, they saved about 50 quid by tacking a lengthy bit of narrated exposition to the beginning explaining how the fodder were on the planet, clumsily unearthing archeological bits and bobs. Judy (Space 1999) Geeson as the unfortunate mum is excellent and things get bloody very quickly.

Fun fact, the script was written by Nick Maley along with his wife, Gloria, four years after he helped bring the Mos Eisley cantina to life. Not a masterpiece, but still enjoyable hokum.

Space score: 7/10

Alien: Reign of Man (2017) Tubi

Aliens? Multi-eyed crawlers.

CGI heavy? Almost exclusively, with varying success.

Any good? Sometimes I judge a film based on how long it takes for me to start looking at my phone — this one took about eight minutes. Once more I feel the pang of guilt over ripping into an indie filmmaker’s efforts, but this film is so lifeless, and breaks so many fundamental rules of filmmaking, that I can live with myself.

There’s some bullshit story in here about resetting the Earth using a ‘spire’ found on an alien world or something, but I switched off mentally and might have missed the point. The writer/director, Justin Price, wears his ambition on his sleeve, there are obvious nods to Nolan’s Interstellar, Kosinski’s Oblivion and Scott’s pompous period, but having your actors stand around, spouting dull exposition and then compositing them into various CG environments does not make for an entertaining watch.

Price also breaks the 180-degree rule enough times for me to get irrationally angry with his film, and I don’t think that’s quite the ‘vision’ he was going for. Boring.

Space score: 2/10

Matt Mercury (Wondervista Studios, 2015) and G.O.R.A. (BKM, 2004)

Matt Mercury (2015) Tubi

Aliens? A virtual smorgasbord of aliens.

CGI heavy? Yes, lots of dodgy effects and compositing, but all creatures are actually practical.

Any good? Nah. I respect the intention, but the acting is so am-dram, the compositing so ropey, and the script so light on real zingers, that it was a bit of a chore. At the end of the day it felt like a mash up of MST3K and Captain Kremmon, but not in a good way.

Space score: 4/10

G.O.R.A. (2004) Netflix

Aliens? Lots of human-type aliens. One of them blue.

CGI heavy? A lot, but it’s all good.

Any good? An interesting one, this. This is Turkey’s first big-budget sci-fi comedy film and, judging by the reception, it did pretty well over there. For North American audiences, it might be a bit hit or miss.

It looks great, and everyone involved gives it 100%, but but it didn’t really gel for me. It felt more like a collection of sketches set in the same place.  There’s some humor in it that doesn’t sit well with modern sensibilities, but there were a couple of moments that made me chuckle: one great riff on The Fifth Element, and another when a hack screenwriter sells an old Six Million Dollar Man script under the title Lunar Lust.

All in all, a mixed bag, check it out if you’re Turk-curious, but be aware it contains a lot of gay jokes.

Space score: 6/10

Rocky Jones: Space Ranger (Roland Reed TV Productions, 1954)

Rocky Jones: Space Ranger (1954) Tubi

Aliens? The Opheceans, a sneaky race that looks like they just left a dinner party in the Hamptons.

CGI heavy? Nope.

Any good? This is the original show that Matt Mercury was spoofing, and this film is just three episodes stuck together. It has that Buck Rogers charm, combined with the sort of aesthetic and experimental sound effects that would reach their zenith two years later in Forbidden Planet, but the rampant misogyny (Rocky is a sexist pig), left me feeling as empty as the sets.

Space score: 5/10

Dr. Who and the Daleks (BBC-TV Productions, 1965)

Dr. Who and the Daleks (1965) Tubi

Aliens? Pepper pots and people in blue eyeshadow.

CGI heavy? Heck no.

Any good? Believe it or not, I’ve never seen this one. I’ve watched Daleks Invasion Earth 2150AD (the superior film) lots of times, but if I have really seen this, then I’ve erased it from memory.

If you’re not familiar with this, the doctor is a human who has invented a TARDIS, and ends up on Skaro at the end of a war between the Daleks and the Thals. He is accompanied by the same three companions as the TV incarnation, albeit useless versions of them. Roy Castle’s bumbling Ian is a low point.

So much about this film irritates me, from the doctor being addressed as Dr. Who, to the staccato speech of the Daleks, who must pronounce every. Sin. Gle. Syll. A. Ble. due to a misunderstanding about how their lights work. Some nice set design though, and some nice Forbidden Planety noises throughout.

Space score: 6/10

Star Odyssey (Nais Film, 1979)

Star Odyssey (1979) Tubi

Aliens? Pimply hippies and robots.

CGI heavy? Nope.

Any good? Hell no — it’s rubbish. Glorious, glorious rubbish. The fourth effort in Alfonso Brescia’s quartet of Italian Star Wars knock-offs, Star Odyssey features everything a terrible film needs; lousy effects, awful acting, horrible dubbing, nonsensical story and the worst cardboard lightsabers this side of a six-year-old’s tree fort.

Much the same as the Italian Jaws knock-offs, this features stock footage, recycled props and inappropriate mustaches.

Utterly awful and, if you’re in the right frame of mind, all the more brilliant for it.

Space score: 2/10 or 9/10

Previous Murkey Movie surveys from Neil Baker include:

Alien Overlords, Part I
Alien Overlords, Part III
Biggus Footus
I Like Big Bugs and I Cannot Lie
The Weird, Weird West
Warrior Women Watch-a-thon

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Neil Baker’s last article for us was Part I of Alien Overlords. Neil spends his days watching dodgy movies, most of them terrible, in the hope that you might be inspired to watch them too. He is often asked why he doesn’t watch ‘proper’ films, and he honestly doesn’t have a good answer. He is an author, illustrator, outdoor educator and owner of April Moon Books (AprilMoonBooks.com).