DEAR PRUDENTIA,

I would like to go on quests, but I’m told that’s not lady-like. Still, there must be someone who can help me become a warrior, because I don’t like dolls and I’m not a fan of the color pink. Can you help me become a hero?

Dress Hater

DEAR MS. HATER,

Now, I almost didn’t answer your question because I felt it was rather abrupt. I mean, you don’t like dolls? Perhaps you don’t like your dolls. But dolls are like tiny babies, so I’m sure that, as a woman-in-training (the most important education ever!), you love them. And as for pink, it is the color of newborns and I know you must love those.

But, I can certainly understand the allure of adventure. I myself have enjoyed quite a few sinister walks in the nearby forests (only during daylight, of course, as is proper). Since you’re obviously not up to speed on my posts and I’ve already chatted about ambition, I feel that I can perhaps redirect your naïve request toward more feasible career options for a young lady.

Damsel in Distress

This is a great option for any adventure seeking young lady! Nothing says exciting like being chained to a cliff wall while a fire-breathing dragon threatens to eat you. And, even more perfectly, you’ll probably meet your husband as he comes charging up the cliff to rescue you! Hero love is best love. <3

Bar Wench

This doesn’t preclude option one. The particularly ambitious young lady can in fact be both a damsel in distress and a bar wench! Although the life of a bar wench may not feel illustrious, you will get to serve some great lords as they come quench their thirst(s) in your establishment! Go ahead, help them feel at home and convince them that you would be the perfect addition to any household!

Princess

From your lack of education, I am safely assuming that you are not, in fact, of royal blood. But that shouldn’t deter you from marrying a prince and being at his side as he rules over his kingdom. Being a maiden in distress is a great way to snag a prince.

Concubine

Should you fail to marry a prince, then certainly don’t let that stop you from being able to join their harem. You would still be well kept, manicured and pedicured, well fed AND you would get to lounge on satiny pillows while relaxed and probably naked. It’s a quite natural and comfortable a state to be in. You would also meet many other girls in the harem, and you might find some of your dearest friends amongst them. Being a bar wench can definitely lead to this option.

Raise Heroes of Your Own!

Because isn’t having children the greatest adventure of them all?

I hope I’ve helped you find some other paths to great adventures that you can claim as your own! Womanhood comes with its own challenges, just like manhood does. Why not let the men deal with the swords. After all, only you can bare babies. And without babies, we simply won’t have our future heroes. Think of the children, Hater, and learn to embrace your female self. As I think I’ve clearly shown above, that path also has many options for adventures!

Yours in concern,

Prudentia

Need more advice? See all of Prudentia’s recent columns:

Why Should I Include a She-Babe?
How Do I Find Motivation as a Female?
How Do I Learn to Quest?
Please Help Me with Questing Etiquette
Red Sonja is Cooler Than You

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Marie Bilodeau is an award-winning science-fiction and fantasy author, as well as a professional performing storyteller. She would not, in fact, suggest most of these career paths for young women. But her split personality is taking over, so there you go. Check out her writings and find out what the heck a storyteller is at www.mariebilodeau.com.