Black Gate

Sands of Oblivion (2007) – Tubi

Quite a mixed bag for this one; a cluster of decent actors, an intriguing storyline, a fun, practical monster, and then… SyFy CG effects, TV-safe horror, a dune buggy chase.

A bunch of scientists, Egyptologists, and film historians find themselves in the Guadalupe-Nipomo Dunes in Santa Barbara, CA, site of Cecil B. De Mille’s epic production of The Ten Commandments. They are there to oversee the digging up and relocation of the original sets, but wouldn’t you know it, old Cecil used real artifacts in his film, and one is a cursed amulet that sets free a demonic force hellbent on destroying the world.

Or something.

…

Read More Read More

A new 20-film watch-a-thon project. All previously unseen, all free to watch. The twist for this one is that I typed the word ‘mummy’ into Tubi’s search engine, and just chose the first 20 films that showed up. I already know this is going to be terrible, and I’m really interested to see if any of the films I’m going to watch will score higher than 5 out of 10. Here goes…

Isis Rising: Curse of the Lady Mummy (AKA Tomb of the Mummy) (2013) – Tubi

Once again I am tricked like the feeble-minded fool that I am by a film with the word ‘mummy’ in the title, and no mummy in the film.

A hokey, green-screen prologue tells the sordid tale of King Osiris, his sister and wife, Isis, and his jealous brother Seth. Seth fancies Isis (his sister-in-law and sister), so he has Osiris killed and chopped up. However, Isis is a witch of sorts, and vows to reassemble Osiris before she herself is murdered.

…

Read More Read More

Starting a new 20-film watch-a-thon project. All previously unseen, all free to watch. The twist for this one is that I typed the word ‘mummy’ into Tubi’s search engine, and just chose the first 20 films that showed up. I already know this is going to be terrible, and I’m really interested to see if any of the films I’m going to watch will score higher than 5 out of 10. Here goes…

The Mummy Resurrected (2014) – Tubi

Straight out of the gate comes this steaming pile from Halcyon International Pictures, a production company in the same vein as The Asylum, UnCork’d, and Wild Eye. HIP had a go at ‘reinventing’ a bunch of classic horror stories, and for this one they claim it is based on Bram Stoker’s The Jewel of Seven Stars, a tenuous claim at best.

…

Read More Read More

Good afterevenmorn, Readers!

If you haven’t heard of Netflix’ surprise movie sensation, I almost envy you. This movie is everywhere. It’s a phenomenal hit; becoming Netflix’ second-most viewed movie and has its songs everywhere on the Billboard top 10. The song Golden has hit the charts at number 1 in many places. It even, this weekend just passed, did something I don’t think I’ve ever seen before. It enjoyed a theatrical release just over two months from its initial release on the aforementioned streaming platform. I learnt about it too late to acquire tickets, and I’m quite sad about it.

I watched it. I loved it. I have already reviewed it, so you won’t be getting a rehashing of a review from me here. Instead, I want to talk about what K-Pop Demon Hunters says about original content, audiences, and how wrong some decision makers are about both.

There may be some spoilers. There definitely is at least one piping hot take. Let’s go.

…

Read More Read More

Rise of the Machine Girls (2019) – Tubi

Arriving eleven years after Noboru Iguchi’s Machine Girl, this film is directed by Yûki Kobayashi in the frenetic style of a live-action manga — all high energy, insane reaction shots, and over-the-top violence.

In a dystopian town, a desperate population is forced to survive by selling their body parts and organs to the ruthless Dharmas, the crime family that controls the area. In the midst of this misery is a small cabaret show that features a pair of girls, Ami and Yoshi, who put on displays of combat for their adoring customers, when they would rather just be ‘idols,’ doing cute dances and making cute sounds. Yoshi has already lost an arm, and she sets out to get revenge on the Dharma family for something or other. She is captured and tortured, and it is down to Ami and a helpful assassin to save her.

…

Read More Read More

Septic Man (2013) – Plex

From the country that is about to bring you The Pee Pee Poo Poo Man (Canada), comes another scatological extravaganza — Septic Man! From the writer of the excellent ‘Pontypool’, this is an origin story, although I’m not sure if they plan to make any more.

Jack is a sanitary worker who has been tasked to discover the cause of an entire town’s poisoned water. We know the water is poisoned because the very opening scene involves a poor woman spurting from every orifice in the filthiest bathroom you have ever seen. With the tone set, the film proceeds to trap Jack in a disgusting septic tank, surrounded by bodies, and slowly mutating due to the toxic whatnots in the water.

…

Read More Read More

Good afterevenmorn!

I am still thinking about Superman. This is largely because I liked one image and the various algorithms on every platform have since decided that it’s all I get to see. I have, therefore, seen almost every possible take on the character, and it has me thinking a great deal about the heroes in fiction and why we consider them so. Why are the heroes heroes? What about them or their stories make us believe they are? And are they really?

Let’s dive in.

…

Read More Read More

It’s that time again. I can sense casual Black Gate users getting complacent, so here is a new movie watch-a-thon project. This time, based on my recent experience with The Substance, I’m going to be unearthing flicks that deal with transformation; Jekyll and Hyde riffs, body horror, self-made monsters. Bear with me as it’s often difficult to find films I haven’t seen before, but with perseverance and nightly prayer I’m sure I can get to the finish line in a timely manner. With that said…

Metamorphosis (1990) – Tubi

Taking inspiration from the success of The Fly from four years prior, Italian director Luigi Montefiori (under the pseudonym G.L. Eastman) banged out this strange little film about a single-minded scientist and his doomed experimentation. There are plenty of similarities to Cronenberg’s classic: an ill-fated love affair, pseudoscience, baboons, slow body decay, and the dispatching of interfering busy-bodies, but its a bit of a slog due to some underwhelming performances, weird shot choices, and ropey effects.

…

Read More Read More